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Discussion > Writing Class > presenting myself;)

presenting myself;)

Siedhr (December 19th, 2002, 2:08 am)

well, i do have a story which is more appropriate for the profile of this site, but it's too long to post here. so I chose something else, part of a series of stand alone stories, about a new god. it's half fantasy, half Sci-Fi(the series), this sketch I don't know what is.

here goes, hope you like:

Ancient Fury

MOTTO:"Rage by xdysfunctionalx(on DA)

We rage against the dying light.

We are the children of gaia.

We are the warriors of the shadows.

We slay all that corrupts.

We live in your deepest nightmares.

Alas we are your greatest chance at salvation.

What are we?

To answer that is to raise more questions.

Though to solve the enigma of who we are, is to ask yourself one simple question.

When do you rage?"

"Iíve had enough of this bullshit. We must fuckiní rebel. We must fuckiní strike back. We must strike now, prove them assholes weíre not to be fuckiní toyed with. We need to rage against the crushing machine."


"Weíve been quiet for too fuckiní long. Iím fuckiní sick of it."

"Me too."

"They always disrespect us, those fuckiní lamers. Like weíre fuckiní SHIT."

"They treat us like we stink."

"Always fuckiní looking down on us. Never fuckiní listening to what we have to say. FUCK THOSE COCKSUCKERS!"

"Yeah, fuck them. Assholes."

"Yeah! We have fuckiní feelings, we have a fuckiní beating, living heart, weíre the fuckiní future of this fuckiní species. We want to be fuckiní heard. But do they listen?"


"No, they fuckiní donít. Wankers, cunt lickers. FUCK them, I say."

"Yeah, fuck them. Nipple bitters."


"... Go on, hun."

"Yeah, FUCK!... This is our time. We must make a FUCKINí stand. We must bring down those oppressive farts. Theyíre not even worthy to kneel before us and suck our DICK."


"Not even my fuckiní dick, I say. My CUM is too good for them."

"YEAH!... Erm, hun?"


"Is this about our discussion? Again? Cause I thought we agreed weíd wait until the time is right, when weíre both ready and able."

"It was a fuckiní metaphor, woman."

"Ah, okay... Fuckiní metaphor?"

"Gah! Why do you always have to fuckiní interrupt me? You always do that. Every fuckiní time."

"Iím sorry."

"Yeah, youíre always fuckiní sorry but you still do it. Saying stupid things, disturbing my fuckiní stream of fuckiní consciousness."

"Hun, donít get excited, youíll give yourself a coronary. It was nothing. My bad."

"Donít fuckiní tell me what to do. You donít get to tell me how I should run MY FUCKINí LIFE."

"I am NOT. Listen, hun... "

"Donít fuckiní hun me."


"Listen, you fuckiní bitch. Are you with them or are you with me? Cause youíre sending mixed messages."

"How can you fuckiní say that? How?"


"You know youíre my heart, hun. You know I love you. Why do you have to get off on me like that? I love you. Thereís nuthiní I wonít do for you."



"Hun... please take your hand from there. Hun? I said TAKE AWAY YOUR FUCKINí HAND."

"Uh, uh, sorry."

"Itís not the right time. They might come in."

"Iím sorry. I love you. You my baby!"


"Hun, weíve talked about it so many times, remember?"

"I fuckiní love you. You have an fuckiní awesome body. I canít keep my fuckiní hands of you."

"Pipe down. Theyíre gonna hear us and come up. They might even ground us. Again."

"Fuck them. They donít give a flying shit about us. They should fuckiní croak and die, those fuckiní wankers.Theyíre oppressive scum. Weíre gonna show them. Fuck."

"Hun, if I take my shirt off, will you at least try to keep it down?"

"What the fuck is this shit? Are you fuckiní chickening on me now? Remember our fuckiní PLAN?"

"Hun, I hear her climbing the stairs."

"Fuck. FUCK. I donít care. They gonna get it soon enough. Theyíre gonna regret pissing on us. Fuck. We have fuckiní rights."

Knock on the door.

"Aaalbert! Is there something going on in there that I should know of? Are you smoking again?"

Sniff, sniff.


"Holy fuckiní Mary. Leave me ALONE, fuckiníhag."


"Fuck, hun. I told you theyíre gonna hear us."

"Fuckiní cocksuckers, cat fuckers."


"Nah, everythingís okay. Weíre just chilliní. Weíre cool.Donít worry."

"Now Albert, I donít know what youíre doing in there and I donít think I wanna know. But keep it down. If the neighbors come knockiní on the door complaining again... "


"Good God, Albert. Iíll be back and weíll talk after I get rid of the man. For shame. At your age I would have thought youíd have more sense."


"Fuck, hun. She nearly caught us."

"Fuck, I wish sheíd stop calling me Albert, itís such a stupid wuss name."

"But itís your name, hun. I think itís a beautiful name."

"Now donít you fuckiní start. Donít fuckiní piss me off, not now. We must do it before the bitch comes back and starts getting on my case."

"Sure, hun. Just calm yourself. What exactly do you want us to do? I hope you donít want to cut again. It hurts like hell and remember the mess? I had to clean the carpet for ages. And some stains still didnít come out."

"Naw, cuttingís for sissies. Weíre in the big league, now."

Screeching drawer.


"Fuck, Molly! I donít think the fuckiní eskimo on the other side of the fuckiní planet fuckiní heard you."

"But Albert, the gun? What do you want to do with it? Guns are dangerous, you know that."

"We either kill ourselves in a final act of fuckiní love or we go on a killing spree to the nearest fuckiní mall."


"I havenít decided yet. What do you think would send the most powerful statement?"


"Molly? Are you fuckiní listening to me?"

"Albert, youíve gone mad, hun. Iíd go to the end of the world for you. But I think youíve gone overboard with this one. Put that gun down before you hurt yourself."

"WHAT? You think Iím gonna fuckiní shoot myself in the leg, again?"

"Albert, give me the gun."




"Oh, god, Molly. Oh my fuckiní god, are you all right?"


"Molly? Answer me, hun. Molly?"


"Oh, no. Fuck."


"You know, thatís not such a bad job. For an amateur, I mean."

"Who the fuck are you and what the fuck do you want?"

"I want to kill you. The fat woman let me in."


"Could you stand just a little bit to the side and maybe bend your back? Head to the right?"

"Fuck you, man."

"Listen, stop all that cussing. Itís not nice. Iím just trying to do my job. Now, BEND ALREADY! Else Iím gonna make a mess of you."

"Get the fuck out of my room, you fuckiní crack-head."

"Iím not tolerating any disrespect from you anymore. Idiot."


The creature left the asylum, cloak billowing in the wind. The rusty scythe banged loudly on the stairs, the dry sound echoing all over the empty Queens.

It took flight, mumbling.

"Stupid fuckiní senile Alzheimer reject."

yeah, this is one is not that short either. "shrug" I don't really like posting fragments.

also, I do not usually write like this, with all the profanity(some people were very bothered by that) but it fits the story and its purpose.

in case you're interested in reading the other much longer story here's the link

I must mention that English is not my first language, but I do write directly in it.


Narainsbrain (December 19th, 2002, 3:53 am)

Weird, man... funky! I like it, though I can't be sure I got it right...

And I love the dialogue-only style, pretty innovative. Like a play, but without the annoying stage cues and all. =) Keeps it going at a quick pace.

The profanity did bother me a bit, but I got used to it soon enough, and yeah, it does fit in with the story.


Siedhr (December 20th, 2002, 12:09 am)

eh, the dialogue only layout it's kind of stolen. I get inspired from everywhere.

this story is actually part of a series which deals with the destruction of earth. in each of the three stories i wrote so far, death is killing, or trying to kill someone. they're stories with a twist, half humorous , half horror tales.

in this one, death actually takes out the characters(which are senile old people). in the others it's not quite as successful. :)

cruise (December 21st, 2002, 9:20 pm)

Hmm...intriguing :P

Darkly funny...I like :D

Um....yeah...the dialogue only type works for the most part...but falls short a little at the end...more detail I think is called for there than can be given in just dialogue...though maybe it would help if I'd read the rest first/aswell.


Eldritch (December 22nd, 2002, 11:50 am)

Strange story... Very strange. Still interesting. I found only one or two minor spelling errors around, otherwise a very good story... Except I get tired of the offensive language :P But I must say it adds a humorous touch to an otherwise grim story.


Siedhr (December 25th, 2002, 2:21 am)

thanks you guys! I'll be back on the 7th and do some commenting around here, i'm going away for the holidays.

merry christmas to everyone!

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