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Siedhr
(December 19th, 2002, 2:08 am)
well, i do have a story which is more appropriate for the profile of this site, but it's too long to post here. so I chose something else, part of a series of stand alone stories, about a new god. it's half fantasy, half Sci-Fi(the series), this sketch I don't know what is.
here goes, hope you like:
Ancient Fury
MOTTO:"Rage by xdysfunctionalx(on DA)
We rage against the dying light.
We are the children of gaia.
We are the warriors of the shadows.
We slay all that corrupts.
We live in your deepest nightmares.
Alas we are your greatest chance at salvation.
What are we?
To answer that is to raise more questions.
Though to solve the enigma of who we are, is to ask yourself one simple question.
When do you rage?"
"I’ve had enough of this bullshit. We must fuckin’ rebel. We must fuckin’ strike back. We must strike now, prove them assholes we’re not to be fuckin’ toyed with. We need to rage against the crushing machine."
"Yeah."
"We’ve been quiet for too fuckin’ long. I’m fuckin’ sick of it."
"Me too."
"They always disrespect us, those fuckin’ lamers. Like we’re fuckin’ SHIT."
"They treat us like we stink."
"Always fuckin’ looking down on us. Never fuckin’ listening to what we have to say. FUCK THOSE COCKSUCKERS!"
"Yeah, fuck them. Assholes."
"Yeah! We have fuckin’ feelings, we have a fuckin’ beating, living heart, we’re the fuckin’ future of this fuckin’ species. We want to be fuckin’ heard. But do they listen?"
"No."
"No, they fuckin’ don’t. Wankers, cunt lickers. FUCK them, I say."
"Yeah, fuck them. Nipple bitters."
"?"
"... Go on, hun."
"Yeah, FUCK!... This is our time. We must make a FUCKIN’ stand. We must bring down those oppressive farts. They’re not even worthy to kneel before us and suck our DICK."
"?"
"Not even my fuckin’ dick, I say. My CUM is too good for them."
"YEAH!... Erm, hun?"
"WHAT?"
"Is this about our discussion? Again? Cause I thought we agreed we’d wait until the time is right, when we’re both ready and able."
"It was a fuckin’ metaphor, woman."
"Ah, okay... Fuckin’ metaphor?"
"Gah! Why do you always have to fuckin’ interrupt me? You always do that. Every fuckin’ time."
"I’m sorry."
"Yeah, you’re always fuckin’ sorry but you still do it. Saying stupid things, disturbing my fuckin’ stream of fuckin’ consciousness."
"Hun, don’t get excited, you’ll give yourself a coronary. It was nothing. My bad."
"Don’t fuckin’ tell me what to do. You don’t get to tell me how I should run MY FUCKIN’ LIFE."
"I am NOT. Listen, hun... "
"Don’t fuckin’ hun me."
"DON’T FUCKIN’ TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, YOU FUCKIN’ JERK!"
"Listen, you fuckin’ bitch. Are you with them or are you with me? Cause you’re sending mixed messages."
"How can you fuckin’ say that? How?"
Sob.
"You know you’re my heart, hun. You know I love you. Why do you have to get off on me like that? I love you. There’s nuthin’ I won’t do for you."
Smooch.
Smooch.
"Hun... please take your hand from there. Hun? I said TAKE AWAY YOUR FUCKIN’ HAND."
"Uh, uh, sorry."
"It’s not the right time. They might come in."
"I’m sorry. I love you. You my baby!"
Smooch.
"Hun, we’ve talked about it so many times, remember?"
"I fuckin’ love you. You have an fuckin’ awesome body. I can’t keep my fuckin’ hands of you."
"Pipe down. They’re gonna hear us and come up. They might even ground us. Again."
"Fuck them. They don’t give a flying shit about us. They should fuckin’ croak and die, those fuckin’ wankers.They’re oppressive scum. We’re gonna show them. Fuck."
"Hun, if I take my shirt off, will you at least try to keep it down?"
"What the fuck is this shit? Are you fuckin’ chickening on me now? Remember our fuckin’ PLAN?"
"Hun, I hear her climbing the stairs."
"Fuck. FUCK. I don’t care. They gonna get it soon enough. They’re gonna regret pissing on us. Fuck. We have fuckin’ rights."
Knock on the door.
"Aaalbert! Is there something going on in there that I should know of? Are you smoking again?"
Sniff, sniff.
Whispering.
"Holy fuckin’ Mary. Leave me ALONE, fuckin’hag."
Whispering.
"Fuck, hun. I told you they’re gonna hear us."
"Fuckin’ cocksuckers, cat fuckers."
Aloud.
"Nah, everything’s okay. We’re just chillin’. We’re cool.Don’t worry."
"Now Albert, I don’t know what you’re doing in there and I don’t think I wanna know. But keep it down. If the neighbors come knockin’ on the door complaining again... "
Door-bell.
"Good God, Albert. I’ll be back and we’ll talk after I get rid of the man. For shame. At your age I would have thought you’d have more sense."
Footsteps.
"Fuck, hun. She nearly caught us."
"Fuck, I wish she’d stop calling me Albert, it’s such a stupid wuss name."
"But it’s your name, hun. I think it’s a beautiful name."
"Now don’t you fuckin’ start. Don’t fuckin’ piss me off, not now. We must do it before the bitch comes back and starts getting on my case."
"Sure, hun. Just calm yourself. What exactly do you want us to do? I hope you don’t want to cut again. It hurts like hell and remember the mess? I had to clean the carpet for ages. And some stains still didn’t come out."
"Naw, cutting’s for sissies. We’re in the big league, now."
Screeching drawer.
"ALBERT! IS THAT THE GUN?"
"Fuck, Molly! I don’t think the fuckin’ eskimo on the other side of the fuckin’ planet fuckin’ heard you."
"But Albert, the gun? What do you want to do with it? Guns are dangerous, you know that."
"We either kill ourselves in a final act of fuckin’ love or we go on a killing spree to the nearest fuckin’ mall."
"..."
"I haven’t decided yet. What do you think would send the most powerful statement?"
"..."
"Molly? Are you fuckin’ listening to me?"
"Albert, you’ve gone mad, hun. I’d go to the end of the world for you. But I think you’ve gone overboard with this one. Put that gun down before you hurt yourself."
"WHAT? You think I’m gonna fuckin’ shoot myself in the leg, again?"
"Albert, give me the gun."
"NO. FUCK."
BANG!
"..."
"Oh, god, Molly. Oh my fuckin’ god, are you all right?"
Pause.
"Molly? Answer me, hun. Molly?"
Sob.
"Oh, no. Fuck."
Footsteps.
"You know, that’s not such a bad job. For an amateur, I mean."
"Who the fuck are you and what the fuck do you want?"
"I want to kill you. The fat woman let me in."
"..."
"Could you stand just a little bit to the side and maybe bend your back? Head to the right?"
"Fuck you, man."
"Listen, stop all that cussing. It’s not nice. I’m just trying to do my job. Now, BEND ALREADY! Else I’m gonna make a mess of you."
"Get the fuck out of my room, you fuckin’ crack-head."
"I’m not tolerating any disrespect from you anymore. Idiot."
ZZING!
The creature left the asylum, cloak billowing in the wind. The rusty scythe banged loudly on the stairs, the dry sound echoing all over the empty Queens.
It took flight, mumbling.
"Stupid fuckin’ senile Alzheimer reject."
yeah, this is one is not that short either. "shrug" I don't really like posting fragments.
also, I do not usually write like this, with all the profanity(some people were very bothered by that) but it fits the story and its purpose.
in case you're interested in reading the other much longer story here's the link www.deviantart.com/deviation/844110
I must mention that English is not my first language, but I do write directly in it.
Narainsbrain
(December 19th, 2002, 3:53 am)
Weird, man... funky! I like it, though I can't be sure I got it right...
And I love the dialogue-only style, pretty innovative. Like a play, but without the annoying stage cues and all. =) Keeps it going at a quick pace.
The profanity did bother me a bit, but I got used to it soon enough, and yeah, it does fit in with the story.
Siedhr
(December 20th, 2002, 12:09 am)
eh, the dialogue only layout it's kind of stolen. I get inspired from everywhere.
this story is actually part of a series which deals with the destruction of earth. in each of the three stories i wrote so far, death is killing, or trying to kill someone. they're stories with a twist, half humorous , half horror tales.
in this one, death actually takes out the characters(which are senile old people). in the others it's not quite as successful. :)
cruise
(December 21st, 2002, 9:20 pm)
Hmm...intriguing :P
Darkly funny...I like :D
Um....yeah...the dialogue only type works for the most part...but falls short a little at the end...more detail I think is called for there than can be given in just dialogue...though maybe it would help if I'd read the rest first/aswell.
Eldritch
(December 22nd, 2002, 11:50 am)
Strange story... Very strange. Still interesting. I found only one or two minor spelling errors around, otherwise a very good story... Except I get tired of the offensive language :P But I must say it adds a humorous touch to an otherwise grim story.
Siedhr
(December 25th, 2002, 2:21 am)
thanks you guys! I'll be back on the 7th and do some commenting around here, i'm going away for the holidays.
merry christmas to everyone!
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