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Discussion > Feedback > A Silent Cunning Killer

A Silent Cunning Killer

BlacklightResponsive (May 15th, 2003, 6:21 pm)

Lurching from one shadow to the next, peeking from around crumbling red brick, then slipping between notice, a silent killer roamed the streets. Dressed in rags, skin slick and eyes like pools of gasoline, his gaze melted plastic. Brown leather sheaths kept two thin blades within easy reach, strapped under each forearm and kept from view by losely drapped grey cloth. Children would come to fear his name. Children would weep and hold their stuffed animals close at night, and beg the monsters under their beds to protect them. Such a man was he, to inspire teamship between child and boogieman.

He slipped under a hedge growing below a streaked double hung window like a marble rolling silently across an oiled floor. With a splinter of lightning his shadow flashed first on the aluminium siding, and then again on the inside drywall. Having almost magically made his way from one side of the glass to the other, he ran slender fingers down a dusty yellow wall. A thick smack of thunder filled his ears and triumphed along with the music beating slowing in the back of his head. Slowing the tempo, he eased forward and into the family room. His fluid motions brought him to the room of a sleeping child. Ragged blond hair was wedged between a brick of a blue pillow and an action figure comforter. The knives found their way to his hands, the music turned to a roar of white noise. Endless layers of static and wailing feedback bounced of a myraid of walls, doubling over on themselve again and again. Metal glinted, sending refracted light around the room in an uncontrolled frenzy.

The sun came up, first over the horizon, and then into the same room from the night before. Minutes later, a scream filled the house so shrill and terrible that a shudder ran through the floorboards and into the minds of every child and parent within miles. Outside the window, on a wooden pike staked through the ground like a vampire, was the head of the childs favorite teddy bear. Stuffing hung out in fluffy tendrils, winding there way around the pike and littering the ground. The eyes loomed with the presence of a ghost haunting the scene of his murder. A smile had been sliced in his face, and was filled with red hard candy teeth. The sharp spikes of transparent red dripped with a heavy feeling of insanity, and the sneer only exemplified the point. The teddy bear killer had struck again, and storms would forever bring the image of the teddy bears head in flashes of wicked light.

Hmm

cruise (May 16th, 2003, 11:45 am)

The atmosphere is conveyed very nicely, full of menace and tension. You have an excellent knack for metaphor, and I love some of the descriptions in here.

=D

Narainsbrain (May 17th, 2003, 4:21 am)

Well, you definitely built up the tension very well! I love the bit about the "teamship between child and boogieman."

And the dead seriousness of the ending... I love it!

=D

BlacklightResponsive (May 17th, 2003, 8:34 am)

I have a profound ability to use the wrong version of there, their, they're in almost any instance...so try not to be bothered to greatly by that. I'm a bit lazy, I'm sorry I haven't commented on more of your guys' stuff but I will get around to everybody eventually. A thank ye all, for your comments thusly.

LOL

Semirrahge (May 19th, 2003, 12:37 pm)

I love it. Incredible.

A bit more surrealistic and disjointed than I like (note that my writings are 100% JOINED; flowing), but what the hey. You succeeded here where I failed in "Random Logic", and I admire that. :P

Aside from that... I hearby nominate you for Writership status. Or, considering that I've been GONE for so long, is he already a writer?

Woo!

BlacklightResponsive (May 19th, 2003, 5:35 pm)

No, I do not have writership status... but if the council sees fit, I'd love a spot.

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