(May 22nd, 2003, 8:44 pm)
Dog, Gary Coleman, Toilet Plunger
A dog, by the name of Gary Coleman, was wandering aimlessly about his owners house. Into the kitchen, around the fridge, up the stairs, and into the bathroom, his nose led him somewhere. And that somewhere was the toilet plunger behind the garbage, and to the side of the toilet. The far side of the toilet! Crouching, he grabbed a hold of it with his mouth, gently. On the pull out he slightly bumped his head on the toilet paper hanging from the wall, but it was nothing too serious. Carrying it down stairs for further inspection, Gay Coleman got a good couple wiffs. It's smelled somehow different than before. There was a strange familiarty to the smell lingering in the back of his small brain. Reaching the living room, Gary Coleman set the toilet plunger down and got down on his haunches to give it a better look. And as his was sticking his nose inside the small rubber cup, it sucked him in, and he was transported to a magical place.
He was swimming in the ocean, riding a wave into the shore. And then trotting down the beach, catching a frisbee. A seagull landed admist a dozen others, inspecting the leftovers of some picnik at the beach, until running and barking he, Gary Coleman, sent them flying in a mass of angry sqwaks.
Smiling he ran through the waves breaking upon the shore, and then stopped suddenly to look out at sea. From the horizon a mighty black shape approached, swelling in a huge blue and white froth. It was a giant seashell, opening wide! Jaws gapping from foot to space, the vastness overtook him, and he, Gary Coleman, was drawn to the largest gleaming pearl in all of existance. Soap bubble spheres layered like a thick ooze of molasses swirled in an irradic fashion, pulsing, and pulling him in.
His mind was lost in an enveloping bliss, but then found,in a decidedly unfortunatly enveloping situation which involved a toilet plunger being shoved in his face and his master screaming, "Did you do this!?...Bad Gary Coleman, bad!!"
(May 23rd, 2003, 1:03 pm)
got a nice white jacket for you...no, don't worry, the arms are meant to be like that...the straps are a nice touch, don't ya think?...
(May 23rd, 2003, 11:23 pm)
This is quite possibly the best piece I've ever written. The deeper meanings lying behind much of it are incredibly hilarious.
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