(June 8th, 2003, 5:42 pm)
protractor, tangelo, badger
At the local nursery, wading through oriental grasses and home shat fertilizers, was a rather fruity badger by the name of Brutus. He enjoyed the classics more than anyone, but that really pertains not to this particular tale. Searching for a fruit bearing tree to place outside his perfectly level and completely semetrical badger hole, Brutus had paced up and down thousands of aisles to no avail. Finally though, after using his claws in a machete like fashion to tear through a hanging vine placed right in the middle of an especially overgrown path, he came upon his prize. The perfect tree, a Tangelo tree, said to bear some of the most exquiste fruit. Running up to it, he ran his claws down it's supple brown trunk. Clutching his loved protractor in a shaky paw, he quickly measured all the angles of the protruding branches, finding it indeed to be perfect. He screamed and hollared until an employee came to help him, and he bought it on the spot, ordering it to be delivered to his hole immediatly.
Later that afternoon, he planted his tree, using his protractor once again to make sure it was at the perfect spot to recieve the best sunlight, and to insure that it's trunk stood at a precise ninty degree angle to the ground. The mound of dirt built around it's base was at an exact 15 degree incline, and had a perimeter to match that of his hole. The hole to his house, that is to say.
Brutus watered his splendid tree every day, and soon fall had come, and the fruit began to swell on the branches. The branches themselves now spread wide, providing a thick cover over Brutus' home. Unusual, hard pumpkin shaped fruit filled the tree. Brutus found them odd, for he figured tangelos would look a bit...more like tangerines, or grapefruit. But the tag would not lie, he told himself, and believed it until early the next morning.
A crack of intense noise split the air in two, and shot Brutus like a canon from his bed. Another insued, and then another, like grenades being heaved towards his home. His mind raced and he thought he must be under attack. He rushed to his homes entrance hole and looked up. A large fruit sat quivering over the hole, but the sky seemed clearn. No smoke or gunpowder smell. But what could it be? Suddenly, the fruit fell, and upon landing in Brutus's paw blew up, shooting seed shrapnel everywhere. Looking at his bloody stump of a hand, Brutus fled to the nursery, exploding fruit tearing at his skin. He arrived a bloody pulp of a mess, raving mad until he collapsed. He later found out that Arbol de Diablo had been mislabled, and had sewn it's satan seeds everwhere. His home would be ripped to shreds by them as the seeds grew into thousands of little devils.
The nursery apologized, but said they really weren't responsible and pushed him out into the street, as he was bleeding all over their merchendise.
"We'd really like to help!" the manager shouted, "But our morals were stripped when we accidently fell into one of our large nepenthes."
(June 9th, 2003, 12:49 pm)
Awww...I really feel sorry for this poor badger.
Artfully warped and bizarre, as always though :P
(June 10th, 2003, 12:36 am)
Should I try and write something...serious?
(June 10th, 2003, 12:43 am)
I felt incredibly smart when I reffered to pitcher plants as nepenthes, as the definition for the root word gives it a double meaning. The story was made just for that punchline.
(June 10th, 2003, 3:19 pm)
Yeah, clever. Too clever by half, in fact :P
(June 10th, 2003, 7:57 pm)
When I say things like "I felt incredibly smart" I mean it in more of a mocking myself sort of way. I just realized I must sound like a pompus ass. Hey, give me three words and I'll write a story for you.
(June 10th, 2003, 11:57 pm)
That was really good. You've got some skills Blacklight.
Register to post.