(June 30th, 2003, 3:30 am)
Elvis stomped down the flight deck of his higly polished space cruiser. The shape of his ship, oddly, resembled the shape of his hair, with the forward deck allowing for 20 people to sleep comfortably. Today however, 20 people were not sleeping comfortably in the forward deck. They are instead, running about on fire, flailing their arms in maddening circle of flame; as if daring some circus animal to jump through them. Elvis had lit them all on fire, via a blowtorch, when trying his best to put on an accurate reinactment of the gila monster scene from his favorite godzilla episode. After what he thought was an extremely poor performance, he had stomped out, refusing to teach them the sacred "stop drop and roll" technique he had learned on his breif stint on earth.
The gila monster suit, which had been fashioned after traveling to the planet Zort to study one in it's natrual habitat, was made of thick layers of something that slightly resembed crushed velour, if you first took the crushed velour and soaked it in a vat of oil for around a week, spray painted it green and orange, and then puked on it repeatedly whilst watching the Mandy Moor movie.
Stripping the fecal suit from his grossly overweight body, Elvis trudged into a vast forrest near where he had parked his space cruiser. The trees grew tall and thick, and the undergrowth was minimal due to the lack of sunlight, making it possible for Elvis to fairly easily navagate his huge body without trouble. Soon however, a mass of strange flies grew attracted to the stink of his body, which was sweating in a most disgusting manner. These flies were odd for one reason, but the reason is a fairly large on. They all wore pink wigs, with hair flying about madly. It seemed like Elvis was being bombarded by pom poms.
Elvis did his best to run from the attacking pom pom monster insects. They weren't really attacking him though, they were just behaving as all insects do. They must get some sort of pleasure by running there small bodies kamakazie style into passing humans.
Suddenly, the swarm of pom pom like insects were scooped up by a huge bird, with a bill the size and shape of a 600 pound man, were he wrapped tightly in celeophane and painted a yellow orange color. Relieved, Elvis pulled a small rubber squeege from his pocket to wipe his forehead off with. As buckets full of water sluiced to the ground, Elvis turned to see a giant beak opening in front of him, and he was pushed inside and held hostage as the large bird flew off overhead.
Elvis looked around, feeling oddly cleaner now than before entering the birds bill. There were small cracks along the length of the bill, letting in small gaps of light which shown like stars around the inside walls. Using a bit of rhynestone from his belt, he refracted the light in different direction to get a better feel for where he was. On his left he glanced a small sticker, which read "Dic Dic, made in Japan" Muttering to himself about the japaneese and their fangled contraptions, Elvis tried to think of a way out of his current situation.
It came to him in a flash, when the dic dic opened its mouth and he fell out in front of his space cruiser. The dic dic then walked up to the commander of the ship, and asked him to politely lock up the loonies next time, so they wouldn't escape and hurt themselves. The officer, suit still smoking, thanks the dic dic for his help, and proceeded to make faces at the dic dic as it flew away back towards the forrest.
(July 1st, 2003, 2:47 pm)
A couple of typos that I spotted:
3rd paragraph: "forrest" -> "forest", "navagate" -> "navigate", "large on." -> "large one."
4th paragraph: "kamakazie" -> "kamikaze"
5th paragraph: "celeophane" -> "cellophane", "squeege" -> "squeegee"
6th paragraph: "birds" -> "bird's", "shown" -> "shone / shined"
7th paragraph: "thanks" -> "thanked".
And a couple of strange sentences:
", were he wrapped tightly in cellophane"... <- Don't quite get that one.
"...and asked him to politely lock up the loonies..." <- Wouldn't that be "..asked him politely to lock..."? ;-)
I'm pretty sure there is a "there/their/they're" error I couldn't find again in there as well, but someone else will probably do so if it's there.
Other than that, good story: Compelling, yet simple and it forces one to actually think about about what one is reading. :-)
(July 1st, 2003, 9:10 pm)
I always thought that pelicans bills looked like someone got trapped inside a giant yellow condom and then stuck on the birds face. And thank you for the corrections, as I am lazy and dont have spell check for some rather stupid reasons. I did mean for them to "politely lock up the loonies" however. I didn't want them beating the loonies with clubs and hog tying them, although admittedly, that is a funny idea.
(July 3rd, 2003, 7:35 pm)
Hehe, no problems. ;-)
Must agree that the idea of "politely locking someone up" is a quite funny one, and not too oft spotted in normal writing. Should perhaps have re-written that sentence though, so it would be a bit clearer that it wasn't a grammatical error.
As for the visual of the pelican's beak, well.. I won't get into that one. ;-þ
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