(February 14th, 2004, 7:33 am)
It was a wonderful day, the sun was shining, there where no clouds in the sky. Things just seemed so perfect on this spring day. Jema, a young girl of seventeen years old, laid out in the middle of the garden walls, staring up at that clear sky. No one could bother her here, it was so secluded, like one of those mazes. With the tall bushy plants that seemed to touch the sky. Jema always came to hide here, to get away from her parents, and the house.
When things seemed to be going so perfectly, Jema heard a scream come from the house. Course she cant see over those plant walls, it brought the young girl to her feet. She was at least a mile away from the house. To far away to actually see anything, but in perfect distance to here the commotion that breaks out. Shattering of glass, more screams. Coming from the servant girls most likely. But what could it be? So innocent to think anything of it really.
Then there was smoke, rising up into the air, the lovely four story mansion on fire. Jema started to run, following those natural walls towards her home, but she was in such a hurry she got turned around in the garden's maze. Panic taking hold as she tried to figure out which way to go, just randomly picking a direction, though luckily it was the right way and lead her straight to the entrance of the maze, which was serveral feet from the house leading off on a decorative trail. Though she stopped in mid horror as she saw her home ablaze, the wooden building being taken easily by those lustful flames.
There outside the back door of the house laid a limp body, from the distance she stood she couldn't tell who it was, not even taking a second thought as she ran towards them. Finding it to be one of the house hold servants, she couldn't tell who. Their hole body charred from being on fire, a few flames still lingering on their burnt body. The smell made her sick and dizzy, about ready to lose everything in her stomach.Tears threatening her eyes as she took two steps back. The heavy dark smoke in the air caught few of the villagers attention, ones willing to help as they ran up to the property with buckets of water, orders being shouted as a group formed, but there wasn't anything they can do, the flames where too much. What could she do? But just stand there and watch, helplessly as her home burnt down to the ground, her hole, lovely day being taken up with suffering.
The few that did come to help, had sent off for the kings guard, it was rare for such a house to go up into flames, and with only one servivor. Who in fact wasn't even in the house at the time.
The Kings guard didn't even bother questioning Jema, being that she and her family where well known, and half the kingdom itself knows she's completely mute. There was no use to ask her things she wouldn't be able to tell. Besides the poor girl was in to much shock. How can they not find anyone else alive? Did they all get burned alive? all these sorts of questions flooded her mind as she still stood in the midst of it. What where they going to do with her? Really it wasn't their problem, more so the village.
Few days past, and the only choice they had was to put her in the local brothel, along with all the other strays that end up there. It acts as a sort of orphanage, though the town's people are against the brothel, they dare not close it for the problems that could cause. She wasn't pleased when set at the door step of a run down tavern. Standing numbly with a small bag of items in hand.
The door being opened by a tall, muscular man, who was indeed dressed like a woman. The biggest of grins touched his painted red lips as he saw the young lithe blonde standing at his door step."My my! They never did mention how darling you where!" the man seemed to squeal as Jema looked up at him from a short height of five three. Though she said nothing in return.
"Ahh I remember, your mute, well all the better than! you wont be able to complain!" He ended with a chuckle as he stepped to the side, allowing her to come in. The place didn't seem to bad on the inside unlike it did outside. In fact it was warm, inviting, all sorts of lovely smells. Violet, vanilla, as well as many others that seemed to mix together in an intoxicating way. Most the walls where covered with velvet material, velvet red drapes hanging from the ceiling, as well as door frames. Chairs cooshend with gold satan. Couches as well hand weaved rugs of lions, tigers, all sorts of exotic and giant cats. All over lounged young boys and girls, though for the most part boys took up the place, seeing as the majority of strays in her village where boys. Girls where easier taken in, these where all bastards. Ages ranging all differently with each, boy and girl alike. Some very girly, famine. Others very very boyish, tough.
There were older men and woman, most looking almost haggy. "Alright lovely girl, how about a tour of your home? Of course you wont be living here for free, you'll have to be doing some work of your own." The man cleared his throat slightly, trying to speak in a more, high pitched voice. "I am the manger of the place, any problems you have you come right to me. Just ask for Danyle" the man nodded and lead her through the main part of the place, of course he had to announce to almost every single person they passed that she was new.
(February 16th, 2004, 12:08 pm)
Too little to comment on the story, though there's lots of interesting places this could be taken...
It does, however, need work on the grammar and spelling - especially the differences between "where" and "were", "to" and "too" or "hear" and "here."
There's a couple of other bits, too, such referring at first to the hedges asbeing "like one of those mazes," then it actually /being/ a maze in the next few paragraphs...
Apologies if this comes over too harsh - you already seem to have a good sense of flow, it's just spoilt a little by the little mitakes.
(February 17th, 2004, 8:41 am)
Oh no its not harsh at all, The garmmar more so the spelling is bad because i have no sort of spell check on this what soever, and it would have been longer, i just didnt know where to take it really.
But I know I need to work on alot of it, and I'll remember the length for next time. I have one Im tempted to put up, that i know needs alot of work. But thats a hole other thing.
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