Uhm... Not really one of our themes, I just wanted you guys to see it so you can help me fix it and tell me where this goes on DA.I was sleepy, got bored, wrote this. Very weird. Suicide stories are always good.. Please check it thoroughly. Enjoy!
The man who was about to die picked up his revolver from the desk and held it in his sweating right hand and started taking it to his mouth. And stopped. And started to think. Should he use pills instead? Or perhaps rat poison? Maybe detergent? No... He couldn’t risk coming out alive. He had to die. He was just so... worthless.
When had this all started? He didn’t even remember. His life was a fucking mess. Every hope, every moment of peace and happiness and serenity, severed at the roots by the Darkness that plagued him, carried like a disease, rotting away the fibers of his being. Maybe even his soul. It followed him like the shadow follows the man, unshakeable, unnerving. Always there.
Perhaps it started when his girlfriend dumped him? With that bullshit excuse that she felt he didn’t love her anymore and that she had found her true love? Or maybe when they gave the position he’d been hunting for in the company to the bastard in the cubicle next to him, who always smelled like farts and picked his ass instead of working? Or maybe when a man in a black Mercedes cut in front of him and totaled his car and managed to get away with all the money because he could afford a good lawyer?
Was it the combination of all these things? Maybe the flood in his apartment had something to do with it as well, but it didn’t matter anymore. Nothing matters to a man for whom Death is waiting at the door.
He put down the revolver and wrote all this down. All good suicides had to have a suicide note, and he wanted his suicide to be a good one. And he blamed just about everyone who had hurt him in it, writing away in ink as black as the revolver on his desk. He finished and folded the note, once, twice, thrice. He left it on top of his pillow, and wrote on the exposed face of the paper: “To all who know me”. He thought about changing what it said, but decided against it and sat once again on the chair in front of his desk.
His hand moved towards the revolver, and froze. He started to think about his parents. And his brothers. And the few friends he still had. Those little rays of light poking holes in the Darkness he carried. Was a flood, a woman, a job position and a car worth dying for? Maybe not. There were still things to live for. A car, a job, a woman, an apartment that still smelled of humidity and fungus wasn’t life. Life was there for you to have these things. But they are not life. They are just accidents of life. Shit happens, get the fuck over it.
But it was too late to back down. He picked up the black revolver and put it to his mouth, feeling the taste of cold Death for a moment. He hesitated. And pressed the trigger. Click. He pulled the revolver out of his mouth and opened the cylinder. No bullets.
“Good... I wasn’t so sure anyway.” said the man and tossed the gun out his window and proceeded to crumple up the suicide note in his pillow and flush it down the toilet.
(April 23rd, 2003, 3:00 am)
i see no problems with it. i did enjoy it.
i pictured some rich guy in L.A thinking all of this so i found it to be rather funny.
(April 23rd, 2003, 1:11 pm)
:D I wanted some humor in it. A bit of a weird humor, but it's there. Somewhere.
(April 24th, 2003, 12:28 pm)
yeah, odd, but nicely done...the man's change of heart and ending is a little too quick, maybe, but otherwise, no problems.
(April 24th, 2003, 1:50 pm)
So make it a little longer? More self torture for the guy?
(April 24th, 2003, 10:04 pm)
Just don't make his change of mind so sudden...a quick comment and dismissal seems to easy...I don't know...maybe just a rephrase would suffice.
(May 4th, 2003, 6:07 am)
I really like the concept... The ending made me go, "Yeah, that's just what /would/ happen. Heh!"
I agree with Cruise, though: I can't see him being so casual about it... Fix that (and perhaps a little more build-up in the intro), and you have a very cool story.
By the way, I love how you introduce him as "the man who was about to die". =D
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