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A Strawberry for Mr. Smith

Eldritch
classifications: Horror / Humourous

A rough draft. It's supposed to be stupid/macabre/funny. I hope you like it. Any suggestions are welcome :D

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Mr. Smith got home from work just as the sun was starting to set. He opened the car door and stepped out; watching the red sky that accompanied the day’s dying sun.

“Red...” he said to himself. “ Just like my strawberries.”

Yes. Just like his strawberries. Lovely, sweet, red strawberries. He remembered the last one in the pack. The one that was due for sacrifice tonight, in the ceremony of his ascension from Superior of the Most Holy Order of the Strawberry to Lord of the Most Holy Order of the Strawberry.

Giddy with excitement, he hurried to his door and opened it, stepping inside his beautiful two-story house, with the beautiful red roofing and the last, beautiful red strawberry just waiting in the refrigerator. He let out an eager little yelp and ran up the stairs to his room. The man was almost bursting when he removed his clothes. He proceeded to clothe himself with the great garments of the Most Holy Order of the Strawberry, scarlet shirt and pants under the Great Crimson Robe that he self-imposed on himself as Lord-to-be of the Most Holy Order of the Strawberry.

He went down the stairs in an almost uncontrollable euphoric state, and lit a dozen of red candles, which he set on the table in a perfect circle. Then the Superior and Lord-to-be opened his refrigerator, removing the last strawberry from the pack. He set it on the table, perfect red skin illuminated by the candles, hundreds of black, seed-like eyes staring at him. Just staring.

A bit disturbed, the man began his ritual.

“Tonight is the Great Night, the Night that by the sacrifice of this Strawberry, I become Lord of this Most Holy Order. And now I bestow upon you the Bow-Tie of the Enlightened.”

The Superior reached inside his robe, removing a perfect little blue bow-tie from his pocket, and adjusted it around the strawberry glaring at him with jet eye-seeds.

And then it happened. As if guided by some divine will, the Enlightened Strawberry jumped into the man’s hand. It rolled up his arm, always staring, and then jumped into the man’s open-in-awe mouth. The great Lord-to-be was paralyzed, gripped by an unknown force. For a second, he felt like a god. But only for a second, for now the Enlightened Strawberry rolled into his throat and lodged itself there.

“NO! It must not! The Bow-Tie of the Enlightened must be removed for my ascension to Lord!” He thought to himself as his breathing became fainter and he fell to his knees.

The man began to despair. He felt his last breath leave his body, and a final thought invaded his mind. “I’m never, ever going to buy those damn irradiated strawberries again.”

***

The maid found Mr. Smith the next morning as the last of the red candles died out. Terrified, she called the police, paramedics and even the firefighters. Had she known the numbers, she probably would have called the Army, Navy and Marines as well.

The cause of his death a complete mystery, a paramedic rolled his slumped body sideways, putting it into a position where it might be put on a stretcher. As he did that, a perfect strawberry with a blue bow-tie popped out of the man’s mouth. No autopsy needed. Just write that he choked on the Enlightened Strawberry with the blue bow-tie.

Wanderer (October 11th, 2004, 12:44 pm)

The image of a strawberry with a bow tie attacking that man made me laugh at loud. So great...

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