|A Kamel Once Bit My Sister|
Um. *cough* Does this count as fantasy - or even literature of any kind? It was originally written in the car, on my dad's laptop, for the purpose of insane amusement.
Heavily inspired by the "moose" bits in the opening credits for Monty Python's "Quest for the Holy Grail", It's become (for some reason) one of my more popular writings among my friends. I have a better version somewhere, but this will do for now, I think...
A Kamel once bit my sister. Well, it was originally a camel with a “c”, but it decided that it needed to stand out a bit from the crowd. Its grandfather was the famous War Camel of Siberia, and he was spoiled.
He bit her in the small finger, with the dull parts of his teeth. She was visiting a sheepshearer in Austria. The sheepshearer’s name was Jermber. He was rich. Very, very rich. He lived in a big, orange and pink adobe hut in the middle of a forest on an island in the middle of a lake.
But it was no ordinary adobe hut. It was a massive, hugely ornate, baroque termite mound. It towered over the lake, casting great shadows when the sun shone brightly overhead.
She was painting her fingernails in the ground-floor tunnel, and hung them out the holes to dry. The Grandkid War Kamel had a huge craving for Rouge de la Crème fingernail polish. It preferred Mary Kay Rouge de la Crème fingernail polish.
At first my sister did not notice anything wrong, for although Kamelbites (or camelbites) kan be painful, she could not feel anything in the finger in question, as it was detached from her hand..
To his delighted surprise, it WAS Mary Kay Rouge de la Crème! It knew so because it could see the bottle inside. It was a rather large bottle. It had a pink and white label with gold letters.
The Kamel loved the deep swirly-red color that the Rouge de la Crème turned his teeth. He spent hours smiling at his reflection in the lake. He had decided that he had a very nice red smile. All of a sudden, he got an enormous case of heartburn. He felt like he would die, so he ran to the lake to look at his smile. He wanted to die with his gaze fixed on a beautiful image. He always did this after eating Rouge de la Crème fingernail polish. Mary Kay gave him the worst heartburn.
Now you may think that this was an odd way for a camel of any type to act. But you have to remember that the camel we are referring to in this instance was a War Kamel of great and ponderous parentage and few morals. He had no conscience to bother by doing anything so rash as something evil. In order to gain the level of freedom of autonomy that he had, he ate Rouge de la Crème fingernail polish, and it just so happened that when he ate Mary Kay branded Rouge de la Crème fingernail polish it caused him to do these sort of things.
And that, my friend, is that.
(June 2nd, 2002, 6:36 pm)
Definitely one of the strangest things I've ever read. Funny though :P
(June 2nd, 2002, 9:50 pm)
Feel free to strick it into the archive, if you wish...I don't think it'd really fit into the sort of thing we'd want for our issues though :P
(June 12th, 2002, 7:48 am)
so damn weird it's really funny.
needed to stand out, indeed! hahahaha!!
(November 23rd, 2003, 6:07 pm)
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