|Dream of the Garden|
If you're wondering what this is about, it was inspired by a dream I had some odd years ago. I don't really know what it means, though I've analyzed it a thousand times using psychologocial..logic. I've been described of as self-sacrificing. Prepare yourself for more of the same type of dreams. Maybe you can help me figure out what they mean. Now I must sleep. Maybe a night of dreams? I have not had many lately, I yearn for them this time. I hate those black-filled nights. Sorry if there are many spelling errors. This was written this morning at about...4am. It's a dream I've always wanted to turn into a short story. Dark, Fantasy, Philosophical, Dramatic
I remember the crate myrtles and the tall trees. How they swayed in the wind, their soft fuschia petals showering everything with elegant beauty. The Garden was full with them to an endless horizon showing an endless blue sky. My senses drank up the light of the sun with ravenous ardor. This place was Beauty, this place was Happiness. This place was the Garden. Eden. I had never witnessed such beauty, I never wanted to leave it. I etched every petal and flash of sunlight into my memory should I ever awaken from this dream.
The children stood hand and hand before me, so fragile, they're eyes looking to me for protection against the world. I was their Light, I was their guardian, these frail and tender children of God. I looked to Adam and then to Eve and told them to stay in the safety of the Garden for there is a journey I must undertake. My guardianship of them required that I take the journey into the Garden alone. He was waiting for me there at the center.
I looked back at the children once more before I began the long trek into the forest. The trees grew taller and taller till their steeple limbs blocked out the rays of the sun. My footsteps walked in blue darkness till the cross of a cathedral rose into my sights. I was nearly there. He was waiting for me there.
It was a grand cathedral, its very walls spoke silently of ages gone by in the heart of the Garden. Bits of rainbow light froze, entrapped in the stained glass windows that adorned the front. I passed through the doorway, my mission set in my mind. He is here, He is waiting for me at the center.
The hallways opened before me, larger than the tiny edifice seemed upon inspection of the outside. I knew these halls. They ran into eternity. The First Challenge. The guardian of the door awaited me. She was a golden figure. A statuette of beauty with six arms, each swaying gracefully, each hand gripping a different blade.
"I will not let you pass." She spoke to me, each arm wrapping and unwrapping about her form. "Eternity without."
I bowed my head to her. My mission was sure. I would continue. I walked forward towards her knowing full well I could not pass. The goddess grew angered by my willingness to step forward. She tipped her blades dangerously. I contined to walk. The mission was all, my Light is all.
The blade penetrated my chest before my senses registered the daggar slicing through the air. I looked down to see it there embedded in my heart. My body fell to the marble floor. The golden goddess weaved with her five blades in triumph.
The greyness surrounded me, silver mist enveloping my entire body, setting my senses ablaze all the while dulling the feeling that I was dead. I was dead. Then it hit me, making my whole body shiver. I cannot die. My silver eyes flitted open, fiery white with power. With one hand, I removed the blade and cast it upon the floor. The goddess watched me, her six arms still. She was a statue guardian once more.
The halls of Eternity opened freely to me. I trapsed down the neverending hallway, each step a century into nothingness. Finally, I was at the heart of the cathedral where He awaited me. Just a step through the doors would take me to Him.
Through the great wooden doors was a world within a world. A vast plain opened before me. An endless storm raged all about the blackening skies. Sporaddic flashes of lightening cascaded from thunderhead to thunderhead till they converged in the center where a great vortex spun. Him.
Rage, anger, lightening, and storm all spun about in a cacophony of madness that encircled me as soon as I stood at the base of the vortex.
"I have come for you, Lightbringer." I addressed the entity before me. I was here for Him. I was empowered to bring Him back. I had a mission.
"Your time of pain is over."
The vortex quieted, His voice soothingly surrounded me, speaking to my very soul.
"Why should I go? I know no Light in Heaven that would see me back."
I addressed the void again, my mission set.
"You have but to redeem yourself and all is forgiven."
The vortex spun around me, ever turning.
"Ah, my child. You are decieved. The gates of Heaven will not open to me. The keepers will not dare unlock it for one such as I. The Light will not forgive me."
I listened intently. "They are already open. You have but to walk through them."
The vortex paused for just an instant. Everything stopped for the flicker of an eyelid. Then the world raged again.
"And what would you give me, angel? I have need of one such as you. With your resolve, with your soul, I could learn much about repentence."
"I could learn much of Heaven, I only wish for your soul to return to it."
I contemplated this greatly. How better to teach Him than to let Him see through me? Such a bargain was not prepared for, it was unheard of, and yet I knew, I knew this was the only way.
With a thought, the deal was consented. The black void pressed in on me, satisfied, it interwove itself within me. The storm rushed into all my thoughts. In my soul of hearts, I could see Him smiling there.
The bargain was sealed.
(July 10th, 2002, 12:44 pm)
I Like. A lot. Some really good descriptions that create the atmosphere well.
Do something about the constant repitition of "he waited for me" that you have in various forms. I'm guessing it's there to build up the tension, but it doesn't work...you need to vary the expression much more. It gets to repetitve as it stands.
(July 10th, 2002, 6:39 pm)
It's meant to be that way to show how the persona has a one track mind. The angel thinks of nothing else but the mission and the entity waiting for it.
I'm not sure how else to change it without making it less mechanical sounding, which it's supposed to be.
(July 11th, 2002, 3:17 pm)
If you want it mechanical too, then it needs to be spaced evenly also. It's scattered randomly throughout the text at the moment, and it doesn't come across random at all.
An option that springs to mind currently is to put "He waited there for me" on it's own in between each paragraph...that would make it obvious it's a recurrent thought, and not bad writing :P
(July 11th, 2002, 5:55 pm)
hmm...koo, that sounds good. I'll try editing it later tonight. I'm rather proud it came out readible at all. Writing things at 4am is definitely not good for my health **is still sleepyZ_Z** OO and this is one that has only been posted on Transference (well, here and on my livejournal^_^)! so does that mean it can be in a issue? YAY!! I hope so! I want at least one thing in an issue. Unless this is a little too 'religious' for some tastes.
(July 12th, 2002, 11:16 am)
Nope, this is fine for the issue.
Religious stuff isn't a problem.
(July 12th, 2002, 6:22 pm)
Eep..lemme take it offa stories.com..forgot about that one@_@
Ok..tis taken down..phew..man..sometimes I just go on a posting benge! That's what happens when you're a part of 15 bazilliion other websites.
(July 29th, 2002, 12:58 pm)
this is what you dream about? wow, i wish my subconscious made half as much sense. i dream of madly, stupidly, ludicrous things... but they always appear completely reasonable at the time. like watching from within a submersible as the flaming, torn fuselage of an airliner sinks slowly to the ocean floor (yes, it's burning, and it's underwater); waving to the smiling people sitting casually within the plane because, well, they're waving at me.
but enough about my dreams :p
your story is cool, pretty dramatic towards the end. cruise's idea is good, it's a bit of a standard trick, but it works very well =)
um, i have a problem with the lines in the second para: "I looked to Adam and then to Eve and told them to stay in the safety of the Garden for there is a journey I must undertake. My guardianship of them required that I take the journey into the Garden alone." they read very blandly, and just dont fit the overall style of the rest of it.
anyway, i just scanned the story again, and i got the point this time... way cool! nice touch with 'lightbringer' ;) i like it muchly.
(July 30th, 2002, 4:37 pm)
Glad you like! Yes, this could use a little brushing up, after all, it was written on a whim at about 4am in the morning@_@ I've dreamt worse. Mostly religious stuff, which is ODD because I don't consider myself a devout Christian. I just dream about the stuff. They are worthy of writing. Maybe another morning I shall...
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