read / discuss / question

Links / Related: Fables / Cool: Casual Tempest

Login:    Password:      Don't have a username? Register!

Hear the Raven's Cry-Teaser Clip

classifications: none

Yes, this is for Vampire the Masquerade and yes, it just got put up at DeviantArt, but I thought it best to share with ya'll up here. This is one of my tries at the darker type of writing. It's pretty much a 'preview clip' to get people interested in the main story, Hear the Raven's Cry, where you find out all the background to it. Plus, it might be a LOONG time before I finish Hear the Raven's Cry, as I'm trying to finish Jade Tears sometime before I die.^_^

WARNING! NOT FOR LITTLE KIDS!! This story has graphic violence and language!!

Zane was just another face in the crowd, an orphan who married his high school sweetheart and afterwards had a hard time finding a decent job. He lived his life oblivious to the forces that existed around him.

Until one night of violence changed him forever.

Classification: Dark, Fantasy, Horror

More like this / More by this author

“I knew you’d come”

Her soft voice taunted the

vengeance that pulled at my tattered bowels.

I walked into the shadow-filled alleyway. Her face was a white smile, a white lie, seductive, filled with the unnatural beauty that had drawn me to her in the first place.


“Bart told me you would be here.” I murmured lowly, her porcelain face and violet eyes entrancing me.

The mask remained a smile as she slowly walked to me, placing her cold hands on my neck. I was struck silent.

The Beast was silent. It too was held at bay by her striking eyes.

The shadows said nothing, but I could feel them in the alley there

watching us.

“My childe, you are different than the others. Special.”

I couldn’t close my eyes to break her spell.

She ran her hands along the black sun tattooed on my belly, now distorted and scarred horrendously by their demonic claws.

She kissed me with soft lips, filling my head with thoughts of Michelle. “If you joined us, we could prevail against all who would

stand before us. Just me,…and you.” She brought her hands to my

eyes and placed her chilled fingers below the teardrop of black painted on my face. “You have the Sight, and you shall see for us. The Sabbat will make good use of your skills.” She brought her hands to my waist and lifted my arms gently. I could feel the shadows’ anticipation. They curled around my biceps and tightened themselves as I raised them.

Mercadia stepped back smiling, thinking she herself commanded them. They tightened more, lifting me a few inches off the ground, gripping my arms in vices of darkness. I was her lamb to the slaughter, left surely bound till she could call the others.

Mercadia turned as if to finish something, her black hair trailing down her back in a river of liquid ebony.

The spell was broken.

Her laughter tinkled in my ears again, that same seductive sound that had quelled my screams of agony on the night they had ripped my body open and fed me their own diseased blood. She thought she had her prey trapped. I laughed, my voice draining out the tinkling of her voice. The shadows laughed with me as she turned around to look at me, her face now a mask of confusion, still beautiful and beguiling. The blackness boiled up around me. Arms of darkness loosened their grip and let me stand on my own.

I put one hand out and let the void inside me spread, that empty space in my abdomen where I was left with nothing, the hole in my soul that she had torn. In turn, I nullified anything she would dared have cast with her vampiric gifts. Her legacy of Thin Blood had left me with the power to do so.

The shadows shattered in front of her, raining black glass on her white face. They dripped away and mingled back to their natural realm. They screamed and laughed as they went, curling around me like close friends before melting away again into blackness. She tried to grab them with her will, but that only made the shadows and I laugh harder. Her surprise brought her to her knees as I lunged and held her head in my hands.

I seized her doll face. The Beast inside me screamed for my retribution. She screamed too as I began to crush her skull in my hands, pumping all the blood within me into my strength.

Take it all!! All the pain!! Everything!!

The emptiness you left me with!!! You

bitch!! You whore!! Fucking demon!!!! It rose inside me like a

violent storm. My blood boiled, and I screamed bleeding fury. Her yells rose up like a choir of burning angels, feeding the Beast with tenacious vigor.

The blood trickled from her eyes, squishing between my fingers. It felt like putting my hands under the kitchen sink and letting the water slowly drip through them. Her body shivered with convulsions as her screams silented in one last tumultuous, quivering cry.

I ripped at the soft flesh exposed from within the crown of her skull and let it ooze out between my balled fists. She convulsed one last time as her body fell, her unseeing eyes staring up at me, her porcelain face shattered.

So quick and easy. Too easy for her.

She had relied on the shadows to save her.

My blood still boiled, the Beast still wanted more.

I howled with its anger and fell to my knees, letting her broken mask

fall to the ground.

I thought it would be a release, but at that moment I was filled with a burning wanting so horrible that it made me weak. Michelle was dead, all because of what they had made me. I laid there on my back staring at the blotted stars, the red star still shining brighter than them all, even through the haze of city lights and smog.

The shadows cooed with their approval.

The blood. They said. It is most strong. The blood. The blood. It is yours. The ravens will crow. They will crow. They’ll call you their Prince.

The other two were waiting…but my eyes closed as I continued to hear their cooing.

They’ll make you their Prince.



Angelas (July 12th, 2002, 7:55 am)

Just a little note to add. For those who don't know the Vampire the Masquerade universe so well, The Beast is sort of, how shall I put this, animalistic force that exists inside all vampires, or children of Caine. As they lose their humanity, they succumb more and more to the Beast, which means they become basically bloodthirsty monstrosities. Each vampire, even the Thin Blooded, must fight this dark entity within themselves, or become a senseless animal. Er..Thin Bloods are young vampires who have such deluded vampire blood that they are almost human. Some can even have children, though it is rare. They also have the unique ability to invent powers, or Disciplines, such as Zane's 'void'. Vampires in this universe can control elements such as the very shadows, by using them as weapons where they become more than patches of darkness. This is becoming longwinded so I'll stop.


Semirrahge (July 12th, 2002, 11:00 pm)

One word: DARK. I envy your violence. =) It's a perverted goal of mine to write a story so violent that it turns the gut, but I have yet to do so... This did so, and I enjoyed the shock. If I was not so tired, I'd critique it - it's got some errors and rough spots. :)



Angelas (July 13th, 2002, 3:17 am)

Yes I agree. Tihs is another 'rough sketch' deal where I was just writing for the hell of it. Just trying to see if I could write something dark and violent. You never know you can do something till ya try! (as long as you don't inhale;-) If you thought this was bad, the main story Hear the Raven's Cry is more of the same. It was quite refreshing to try something different, helps to keep me on my toes.


cruise (July 14th, 2002, 2:46 pm)

Dark is gooooooood :D

A session I'd like to play!

Hellkeepa (July 25th, 2002, 3:19 pm)


That sounded like a session of Vampire I'd like to play, very dark & engaging indeed! :-)

If this is, what you seem to say it is, a rough sketch, it is very well written indeed. Too bad my own literary skills are rather lacking, or I could probably have given you much more valuable input on this one. ;-)

Happy fraggin'!

Register to post.